Why shouldn’t gays have equal opportunity to enjoy marriage?

Why shouldn’t gays have equal opportunity to enjoy marriage? Because they won’t, even if they do.

Marriage, you see, is binding oneself and giving oneself for life to someone fundamentally “other.” Not just “other” in the sense of another human being, but “other” in the sense of someone fundamentally different, as in a different sex.

Why is marriage that way? Because God is that way. There is no bigger difference in the universe–indeed, no bigger difference conceivable–than the difference between God as creator and us as creatures. Yet God bound Himself to us and gave Himself for us. Why? Because that’s who God is. That is why John says, “God is love” (1 John 4.8, 16).

But God’s love does not consist in a cosmic “Whatever, whomever, however.” It consists in making us in His image, giving Himself to us (once in creation and again supremely in Christ), and calling us to be like Him (Gen 1.26; Psalm 8.3-9; Mat 5.44-45; 1 John 4.9-11).

This is why God made us “in His image . . . male and female,” and why He created marriage to reflect the spiritual union between God and humanity (keeping in mind that the Church is a restoration of what humanity was created to be, the spiritual bride of God) (Gen 1.27; 2.22-24; Eph 5.30-32). The Bible calls this a “great mystery,” meaning that it is too wonderful and profound for us to fully take in (Eph 5.32; Psalm 139.6).

Here is another great mystery: Being loved by God, though better than life itself, does not make us like God; loving like God does (Psalm 63.3; 1 John 4.10-11).

But how can we love like God? Can we love God in the same way He loves us? No, for our love will always be dependent on His (1 John 4.19).

This is where the wonder of marriage shines forth. In marriage, we have the privilege of loving like God–of loving first, of loving unmeritedly, of ministering life, and of loving someone who is fundamentally “other.” In marriage, we have the privilege of loving a mystery and a wonder–someone who at the most fundamental level looks different from us, moves differently than us, thinks differently, relates differently, values differently, needs differently, and gives differently.

God intends this mystery and wonder to draw us to the opposite sex, just as He intends His own mystery and wonder to draw us to Him (Prov 30.18-19; Judges 13.18; Job 9.10; Psalm 89.5-16; Isa 9.6; Col 2.2-3).

But in a fallen world, mystery and wonder can get misplaced. The mystery and wonder of God can be dislocated to the created order so that we end up worshiping it (or an aspect of it) instead of the one true God (Rom 1.25).

Similarly, boys and girls can grow up finding their own sex more of a mystery and wonder, and therefore more of an attraction, than the opposite sex. I get it. I really do. Two of my closest friends in high school and college were gay. I say “were” only because they both died from AIDS.

What we need to realize (gays, too) is that we are all in the same boat of being disoriented from the ultimate mystery, wonder, and attraction of life–the one true God (Rom 3.10-11). All of our other disorientations stem from that and show up in each of us in great variety. Some have impulses toward sexual disorientation, whether toward the opposite sex (serial partners, compulsive flirtation or fantasies) or the same sex. Some have other impulses–to lie, to cheat, to steal, to gorge, to hoard, to take advantage, to manipulate and control, to be impatient or angry, to lack empathy toward others, or to pity themselves. And many of us have more than one (Rom 1.28-31).

Whatever our symptoms, there is a sense in which each of us can say, “I was born that way” (Psalm 51.5; 58.3; Rom 7.15). But properly understood, that statement is an admission of the depth of our need for God’s transforming love and power, not an excuse to remain as we are (Psalm 51.5-12).

To say there is a genetic component is to say nothing more than God has created us body and soul (Gen 2.7). Everything we are and do is a mix of both. But saying that genes and environment are the whole story is a different matter. That is not a conclusion demanded by the data (contrary to popular myth), but a philosophical commitment demanded by the desire to push God out of the cosmos and out of our lives (Rom 1.21-23, 28).

This always ends badly, for when we try to lock God out, no matter how sophisticated and scientific sounding our justifications, we always end up locking ourselves in. We lock ourselves in a panic room with no door knob on the inside. What we thought would quickly save us, slowly kills us.

The panic room is not the answer; coming home to God is. But coming home always entails reorientation–first and fundamentally toward God in Christ. But any true reorientation toward God will always, over time, reorient everything else in our lives–what we live for, how we regard and treat others, the things we do when no one is looking, and yes, how and where our sexual desires are channeled.

In areas where our disorientation runs deep, reorientation can be a belly crawl. That is true for each of us in at least one area that is highly personal to us. That is why Jesus called it “taking up one’s cross.” That is also why He insisted on it for all His disciples (Luke 9.23-24). But it is vital to remember that the way of the cross is the way of life–not just life in the by and by, but life in the here and now, life as it was meant to be.

Life always entails becoming like the One in whose image we were made. This is why marriage as God created it is such an immense privilege. It is our opportunity to love like God.

And this is why seeking to marry the same sex is more than mistaken; it is tragic and wrong. It misconstrues the love of God, misses out on the privilege of loving like God, and does not tell the truth about who God is and who we are.

1. 

   Gwen says:

   June 27, 2013 at 1:21 pm

   One of your best posts, Dad! Love it. Keep up the awesomeness.